Friday, June 15, 2007

Needles and Pins

It arrived today. Just like they said it would.

A big box of meds. And needles. Lots of needles.


Have I mentioned my unhealthy fear of needles? Have we talked about that? I know poor hubby is sick of hearing about it.

I cried at our training yesterday afternoon. Not because anyone was doing anything cruel or unusual to me, I was just wigging out at the prospect of daily injections for the next four months. four months! And that's if everything goes well.

What's the problem? You're wondering. It's just a little prick and then it's done. And think of the potentially wonderful result!

Yes, yes. You are 100% correct. But that doesn't change the fact that the times in my life when I have been in the most pain, in the worst way, can all be attributed to needles. Blown veins. Bone marrow aspirations. Chemo sessions gone bad. Multiple attempts to insert IVs only to hit nerves and then watch as they try again. All of this shit that I have managed not to even think about over the last 20 years comes flooding back at the sight of those fucking bags of needles.

I know my girl Rae knows what I'm talking about.

My pal S, who somehow always says the right things to soothe me and get me thinking straight, said this to me a while back during one of my first needle freak outs: She reminded me that all of those other times were imposed upon me. I had no choice. It was someone else inflicting their cures and treatments on me.

This time, it's all me. It is my choice. My decision. And that in itself should be empowering.

It is. Kind of.

We invited our pal H to dinner last night. Ok, we called her up and forced her to meet us downtown so we could ask her a huge favor. H, you see, just graduated nursing school, is getting ready to pass her boards and is almost a fully qualified nurse. She also lives across the street from us. Both hubby and I knew we would feel better if she were willing and able to walk us through our first couple of big shots (not the Lupron. Don't think all of this is over the Lupron. Its the big "P" that has me shaking.)

This also meant that we had to expand our little circle of folks in the know. Which we feel a little better about now that things are actually happening. Out of the theoretical, into the logistical.

She was completed unsurprised when we told her we were trying to have a maybe baby (which surprised me). She was honored and thrilled at the idea of being asked to shoot me in the ass. She loves this kind of stuff. She, like S, did a lot to allay my fears. I can tell she and hubby are already planning a progesterone poking regiment.

We are also planning to spend some time together this weekend celebrating the great things that are happening in our lives. New career for H. New love interest for our mutual pal C. And possibly, maybe, you know what for us. Good times, man. Good times.


Anonymous said...

Hi M! The PIO can be a little scary but don't fret! There's stuff you can do that will help! You can ask your doc to prescribe EMLA cream for you to numb the area and that helps SO MUCH! OR you can take a bag of frozen veggies and numb it for 20 mins before the shot. Afterwards they say a heating pad helps, but I always just massage it for 5 minutes and am done with it. I had the biggest needle phobia EVER and if it makes you feel any better, my husband is in Afghanistan right now and I have had to do all my own PIO shots!! I have been doing them in my thigh!!! If I can do it, ANYONE can do me! OH and when DH did them in my butt, I found it much less scary because I couldnt see the needle...don't worry! It won't be that bad, promise!!!!

Nearlydawn said...

Hey - I am also VERY scared of those particular shots...

I don't know if it helps, but I have a post on my blog of all the PIO Tips I have picked up. I have scoured the internet and friend's advice for anything that can make it better.

I'm going to be starting PIO this week for the first time (assuming all goes well with our retrieval and transfer). I'll be sure to blog about how the shots go...

m said...

nearlydawn, you are a doll. I am printing out that post and hanging it in on the wall. I am so excited for your week. Good luck and best wishes!

stacyb said...

good point about this time it's your pun intended.
you will get used to the needles...i look at the plastic jars i've filled as some sort of strange badge of courage...

Regarding tips: a heating pad right after the progesterone shots and then a few hours later icing really helps. Also i did all the shots post transfer in my thighs -- i got too bruised on my stomach.

You can't help but feel like a cushion. that said it is all worth it.

I hope everything goes well for you with this cycle.