What? It's June?

Ahem, hi.

So a few weeks ago I wrote a post for BlogHer (I'm telling you this to prove I'm not a complete slacker) and I had this great idea this morning to try to prove (or disprove) one of the things I said there:

as I realized there was more than my own set of eyes looking at my words, those words evolved. I evolved. Word clouds morphed from “I” and “me” to “us” and “we” to “you” and “yins.” Clicking on comments took me other people’s words which took me to other people’s words and I found my way into a community that didn’t exist at that time in my physical world. A community I care about and love and whose members have found their way into my physical world.

Now the second part I know is true. But what about the first? What would a word cloud of my blog right now today look like compared to the one I did two years ago? That one looked like this:

Would it really look much different today? Have I evolved as I claimed (hoped)? Am I more community-driven? Turned more outward than in? More attuned to my readers (says the girl who hasn't posted in a month)??

The answer? Uh, I dunno.

Because damned if I can locate the cloud generator that I liked so much that helped me create the first one. Sure there are tons out there, but I want this one. A good blogger would have sourced it the first time around....

So, no cool social experiment to kick start my return. I'm afraid you'll just have to settle for a quick and dirty update (i.e. the answer to "where the @#$% have you been??")

work:

• May and June are for me what February and March are for my accountant and CPA pals. A deadline is looming. Shit never happens until the last minute, much of which is out of one's control (although there is this hope, this dream, that it's not). Yes, friends, it's state budget time. Early mornings, late nights, lots of rumor and hearsay and wringing of hands, positioning, worrying, waiting....loving that I am a little deeper into the process than I've ever been before, albeit still way out in the periphery; not loving that this process is a little messy, and unsavory, and set up in a way that the good guys don't always win. For better or for worse, June 30 will relieve me of some major time commitments. Phew.

dad:

• Thanks so much for all of your thoughts and well-wishes.  How is dad? To be honest, dad is a royal pain in the ass. The window of cheerful and funny seems to have closed and now he's back to his normal, self-pitying "everyone has more money than me, everyone feels better than me" self. Waaaah.
• If you think I'm being heartless, I will give you gas money to DE so you can go see for yourself. Yes, he has cancer. No, it's not going to get better. But newsflash, he has a fuck lot more than most people. The chemo isn't making him ill. At all. He suffers from fevers and chills, but no other physical discomfort. My mom hasn't killed him yet. And if you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, a family that (is trying really damn hard to) love you, I really think you should find just a little piece of your day to be thankful. No?

life:

• Life is good! Hey, when dad gets too pouty, there is a beach to escape to. A beach that I actually wear a bathing suit to, because I can. Because...
• It's week 9 of P90X, bitches!  Down about 12 pounds but feeling maybe just a little buff. We are officially down to the weight and fitness levels we achieved going into IVF #1. Five. Years. Ago.
• Sorry, I just got a little dizzy with that last thought.
• The Afghan Whigs are touring together for the first time in fifteen years this summer and fall. Like right now. Bet your ass I am going to at least one show.  I don't care how much M teases, Greg Dulli rocks my world. And makes me cry. And maybe a little bit randy.

surrogacy/cycling:

• yes, of course I save the best for last. It's on! 
• On like donkey kong! 
• Contract is finalized, much to everyone's relief. And thank you, again and again, for those of you who assured me this was the worst part. I'm hoping it is.
• Our surrogate is on day 5 of lupron and fighting her way through some migraines that often come with that lovely drug.
• After a hysteroscopy and some bloodwork, I've been cleared to go along for the ride. I get to skip lupron and go straight to estrogen pills. Which I am popping right now.
• Me and my surrogate, we are cycle sisters and we are aiming for transfer(s) the first or second week of July (see how that fits nicely into my "after June 30, my life will be mine again" calendar?)

That's what up, homies!

How are you?