Saturday, September 27, 2008

What? No Shot?

Are you sure?

Do you mean it?

Do you really mean I don't have to contort myself into unnatural positions propped on pillows to poke my own butt tonight since hubby is at work?

That is frigging awesome.

Calliope said that the first night sans shot is divine. She's right.

So what am I doing with all this free time? Well, first I stuck my saran wrap back in the kitchen where it belongs. how nice to use it for wrapping cheese and other leftovers instead of the numbing cream on my *ss.

Now, I'm having my own private, pregnancy-craving dictated tailgate by myself on my living room floor. Honeycrisp apples (have you had these yet? They are the bomb!), cheddar cheese, and a huge bowl of cold sauerkraut. Oh hells yes. Fight on State!

At halftime, I'll sift through my free goodies bag I got from Motherhood.

You bet. I went there. Technically, I can still fit into most of my clothes. Most of the time, it's less than flattering. But the main impetus for the mall trip was my annual conference that's coming up in the end of October. I know that by then, me being able to wear all of my suits and business attire will be but a memory. I also know that this is probably the last work-free weekend I can count on between now and then. Things get intense. In other words, it was now or never.

The last time I waited until the last minute to pick up a few new things for conference, I ended up dashing to Ann Taylor Loft and pretty much purchasing anything I laid eyes on, threw it in the car and figured I'd figure it out when I got there. Of course, I ended up wearing and keeping 2 items and returning all the rest. I'm not willing to gamble like that with a figure that I am assuming will be less than easy to grab-n-go for.

So, my MIL graciously agreed to meet me at the mall and help me suss out some duds that would be suitable for work. Can I say we both started giggling uncontrollably at the sight of me and the "fake belly" they have in the dressing rooms to make sure the clothes will fit into the next few months? Wow. What a visual.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

As I wait for my ride...

Ridiculously quick update as I wait for my brother to come get me and dump me in the river (with my kayak, of course) cuz I got the doc's permission and it is glorious, last glimpse of summer kind of day:
  • 10 wks and 6 days and all is well.
  • Went to our first "real" ob appointment and was delighted that I forgot how much I loved my doctor. Before our foray into the world of REs, I had been seeing his wife (also an ace doc) simply because her schedule had coincided better with mine, but now I'm back with the man who always seems to be smiling and laughing. And I love that.
  • Like Calliope, was completely underwhelmed (but still thankful, very thankful) with the grainy quality of the non-vah-jay-jay scan. Was enough to see two little hearts pump-pumping away. There were rumours of hand waving but d*mn if I could decipher it. I guess the HD version of the seedlings at the RE has us spoiled.
  • Got all kinds of binders and booklets and pamphlets on pre-natal classes and free stuff (and hells yes, I signed up for it all. Bring on the free).
My thoughts on this: I know that many of us hold off on signing up for freebies, planning showers, thinking about the nursery even, because of previous disappointments and losses. Understanding that all, I have made the conscious decision to embrace my pregnancy and see it as completely normal and healthy until proven otherwise. My mantra: "If you can't imagine it, you can't create it." So I am busy imaging the little spitfire hellion revolutionaries that I cannot wait to bring into the world.

And I bought a hottie mommie t-shirt this week.

What!?!? It was on sale.

hubby is not so cavalier, but he is humoring me. I think once we finally hit 12 weeks and dispose of the needles and the gauze and the suppositories and pills it will feel a little safer to him to shout it to the world.

My entire office now knows and that's nice. Nice to not have to speak about things behind closed doors with one other co-worker. Nice to have a little (not a lot, mind you) of understanding if I work from home for an entire morning or need to sneak out of a meeting for food. (don't make me hungry. You won't. like. me. when I'm hungry.....)

That being said, work is still kicking my ass. One of my co-workers decided to "retire" just a few weeks before our largest event of the year (thanks, buddy). And even if I have found him to be for the most part not very helpful and perhaps wished for his departure more than once, I find the timing of this callous and selfish and it guarantees there will be even more work piled on those of us that remain and are already swamped. Sh*t.

But it means we are back to an all female office and right now, that feels right. I think in the midst of this economic craziness going on in the States and, in particular, our sector, our little non-profit office has embraced a kind of "what?? whaddya got? what makes you think we can't take it?" kind of attitude.

Oh wait, maybe that's just me.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Not Quite a Post, More Like a Twitter

How absolutely F*cked up is it that watching Trainspotting just reminded me that it's time for my PIO shot?

In other news, more non-sequiters on the way. Including fun with boric acid and my journey into the 'hood in search of ranch dressing.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Can It Be?

Holy writers' block.

How ironic. I once joked about the perceived notion that pregnant women's brains must turn to mush - and now it's happening to me.

It's not that I don't have anything to say. Believe me. The list of bloggable topics is piling as high as plates of leftovers in my fridge. But where to begin? How to start? After a bit of an absence, what would be the most appropriate post?

What if I've forgotten how to write? What if I am so caught up in the lingo of marketing a conference (which is what has had me going nuts all week at work) that I'm no longer funny, relevant, interesting even?

Adding to my hesitation is the fact that some of you have pumped out some simply stunning posts lately. I mean, gorgeous. Perfect combinations of words that have had me laughing and crying and going, "holy sh*t, that [your name here] is a great writer."

And now I see that I have several paragraphs down about how I haven't been able to push out a paragraph. Writing about not writing. A post about not being able to write a post. How Post Modern. How very meta...

Let me start by saying all is well.

We had our second ultrasound on Thursday and saw two pulsing kidney beans up in me. Measuring in at 8 weeks 4 days, at exactly eight weeks and four days. We could see the beginnings of placentas and little umbilical cords the size of dental floss.

It was stunning. And I don't think I've been the same since.

We had a teary goodbye at the clinic with our Nurse who has been with us since the day we started, through the canceled donor cycle, on to the new donor (who she helped pick out) past the first BFN, then the next BFN, on to the new doctor, the hysteroscopy and now here. Where we are now. Which is a pretty new place.

We have officially "graduated" from the university hospital where our donor egg adventure began (which is kind of funny, since I almost did go there for college.) All week I've been exclaiming, "I graduated from ____!" Really? I thought you went to ____? I did. I'm making a funny.

Hubby's level of excitement has reached an unprecedented level. Seeing the heartbeats has made it real. He's giddy, hopeful, still kind of shocked.

Me? I'm caught between these desires to clean (which room will be theirs?), to nest, to plan (how many sick days do I have left? what are our benefits?), to prepare (where do we start?) and the need to just sit down and stare into space, trying to take this all in. Add to that the occasional, "Hey, wait a minute. What the F*CK have I done?" moment. Which I have been told by my trusted co-worker and confidant L. is totally normal.

I feel as if I've been plaguing L. with my need to be reassured that things are "totally normal." We've discovered the wonderfulness of skype and now her days are filled with these lovely lines from me:

"Hey L, I feel like I'm gonna puke but I never puke."

-totally normal.

"L. is it normal to be hungry and nauseous at the same time?"


"L., my pee smells."

-dude. TMI, but don't sweat it. Totally normal.

It's funny. L and I have about the same level of patience - which is none. And that is why I love her. but she has been unwaveringly patient with me. I feel doubly blessed with a BFF who has just had a beautiful baby boy and does not mind talking me through the ups and downs of their first weeks together. Add to that a SIL who has helped her little one transition from a preemie who cried and cried and cried to a funny and fun-loving, curious and thoughtful one year old. And I don't think I could ask for a stronger circle of support or set of women to help me through this strange new world.

And I know that circle will grow as we continue to share the news. Which we will. In waves. As it feels appropriate and my belly starts to show.

Nine weeks, as of tomorrow.