Sunday, October 21, 2007

Ain't I a Woman?

Just because it is now a physical possibility to conceive using someone else's eggs doesn't mean the mind is so willing to make that jump.

If you haven't read Kami at Are We There Yet, I strongly recommend you check out her latest post and the comments that come with it.

I have been struggling with the N.G.E. (not good enough) vibe for a while. Even before the idea of trying to have a baby popped into our minds. Crazy how reading more feminist literature and trying to get more in tune with my female side has resulted in more feelings of inadequacy than I ever experienced in my misogynist Henry Miller-reading- I-don't-hang-out-with-girls- knee-jerk-anti-feminist- reactionary days of college. Funny how so many of our new feminist writers begin their tomes based in our wombs, in our eggs, in our ovaries. From here, everything begins. True, to a point, but what happens when those things, those things that by their very essence, make us female, aren't working? Aren't there? Aren't responding to our female brains?

Does that make us less female? Am I less of a woman? Are you?


Kami said...

I have never quite thought about it this way. Yes, I feel like a failure for not being able to do what other women seem to do so easily, but I never thought of my womanhood as being the root of who I am. I understand what you are saying though - it is unsettling.

I think I am a woman. I am thinking of all the ways I act more feminine than masculine. Such as talking with other woman about IF for hours, enjoying playing dress up, wanting to be held when I am sad instead of being alone. Not that all traits are that black and white - but there are trends. And I tend to be feminine. And I'm me and that is probably more important.

m said...

Amen, sister. I completely agree with you. I think I was feeling a little mischievous when I wrote that post.

I, too, think that I am a woman and more importantly, I am me. I seem to keep coming across a lot of allegedly feminist writing that start out with statements like, "You ARE the womb and the womb is you….” And it makes me pause, like, hey, wait a minute, THIS is feminism?? I am a sperm receptacle and birth machine and that’s it??

That's certainly not how I feel and it hurts me when I read some young women try to break it down into such absolutes, such black and white, when I don't think we have that luxury. Certainly not when it comes to gender issues and identity.

stacyb said...

I couldn't agree more M.


To me we are not less women because the natural way didn’t work for whatever the reason. Rather we grow as women because of our ability to accept donor egg as a welcome option. To me that means a lot of soul searching and emotional/spiritual growth as a women and future mother.

The strength and love we find in our selves that makes us able to see that donor, genetic, adopted, the future little one is ones own child is very nurturing and 100% feminine.

On the scientific end: the future DE little one would not exist without your commitment, contribution and body.