Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Elm City Dad

Left me absolutely breathless with his latest post where he talks about changing in order to exist alongside that fact that his beautiful Silas no longer does:

He will never change, and I cannot do anything else.

I am not joking when I say that this is now printed out and sitting in my day bag. I am waiting for the moment to share it with M. Because I think he will find some peace in knowing that we, that he, is not alone. That he is not the only one that expends so much effort to simply try and exist in a state remotely similar to what he was before. Happy. I gasped when I read these lines. Because they are so painfully true:

I’ve been living with this fact for 8 months now and I’m just completely fucking exhausted by the daily wrestling match between what I want and what I have. So I’m trying to stop that internal battle and simply resign myself to the facts at hand.

There is resignation here, but not of the hopeless kind. At least, that is not how I read it (or internalized it)

I think you should go read it too.


Lani said...

thank you for sharing your thoughts about my husband chris' beautiful post on your blog. i read it last night and was in tears because i still don't feel this way. its so hard, i feel like i'm at a stand still right now and can't progress.
if this can help your husband, than that is amazing.
i am so sorry about your little girls. that is so so sad. sending you love and many good thoughts.

Barbara said...

I just read it and, wow.


Smiling said...

thanks for sharing... I too gasped at the line about being tired from the wrestling match between what we want and what we have.

Hope you are having a decent week

Brenna said...

Thank you for pointing us in that direction. I've never read Elm City Dad's blog before, and his post was heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Very powerful, and the imagery so perfect. I hope your husband finds it as meaningful as you did (and I do).

nancy said...

Wow. I hadn't read their story and I just went over and read that post. Utterly powerful.

Reba said...

thank you for sharing with us

their writing is so real and so raw
but it was their little boy's picture that brought the tears

i hate how many of us there are :(

FET Accompli said...

A beautiful post.