- lining measured a whopping 4.9 on Thursday. A whole .2 mm more. How about that.
- My estrogen level is above 2000. Off the charts. So, its not a matter of my body not ingesting the estrogen. It's a matter of my endometrium simply failing to comply.
- lining is neither thick nor trilaminar - the 2 things you shoot for for a successful cycle. There are little white spots on the ultrasound which indicate little pieces of scarring. So, 0 for 2 with a little extra punch in the gut. Things don't look good.
- what now? this officially turns into a mock cycle with 10 days of progesterone (shots and suppositories, hey!) leading up to an endometrial biopsy around June 11.
- if, despite everything, the lining is "in phase," we will move towards an FET. If it is not, we will not. There would be no point.
But we're here. At the beach. Managing to eke out a few smiles and laughs over the heartache that really has just become a familiar part of our lives. It is not going to go away, so we might as well acknowledge it. Yes, yes, I see you. You're right there. How could we miss you? And then take things from there.
Comment from M. on the beach after we dodge seagulls that have gathered behind us because a little boy thought throwing his french fries to them was funny (discarded french fries! blasphemy!) and a big rubber ball that came loping down the sand from a game played by another bunch of young 'uns:
"You know, truth be told, I actually liked kids a lot less before. Now I can actually tolerate them. Well, not tolerate them, but I don't hate them. I know some of your friends have trouble seeing kids these days. For me, it's kind of the opposite."
Are you telling me that your kid aversion was really sour grapes?
"Yes. I hated them because I didn't think we could ever have them. But we did. We do."