I'm here. And mulling through some posts in my head but they're not in any real form yet, or rather, those forms keep evolving. All variations of the same theme: identity and space and the definition of space and self.
Ooh that sounds headier than it really is.
Maybe I'm getting weird because I'm approaching my 4-year blogoversary and I can't decide whether to celebrate or throw myself off a bridge.
Here? After four years this is where we are? In some ways exactly where we started? In other ways irreparably different. Again, celebrate or weep. I vacillate. I still have a week or two to figure it out, so in the meantime, an update:
- Mom is healing, but not as quickly as she'd like. I am proud of her resolve and I so get the "I should be better now but I'm not. Why am I not better????" blues. Hang in there, lady. You're kicking ass. She's pretty upset dad hasn't been up here once to see her. Ditto.
- Dad does indeed have cancer. He's in the midst of tests to see if his lungs can take the surgery that's being recommended. If not, chemo is the next option. And not to get all high and mighty here, but he is so nonchalant about the whole thing I can't decide if he's happy he finally has a reason for his temperament or if he just has no. flipping. clue. how hard this is going to be. He wouldn't, because he couldn't handle the hospital when I was there for treatments. We'd always have to send his weepy ass home. Nonetheless, I foresee an extended stay in Delaware for me sometime this spring.
- M starts a pretty big thing in a few weeks but I've been told I'm not really allowed to talk about it because I "put the cart before the horse" and that freaks him out even more than he already is. Sheesh. My guy. He's a sensitive fellow.
- Babies are getting ready to pop out all around us: M's sis. My surly, scowly cousin. My other cousin freshly home from a six-month assignment in Paris. And I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting. It is truly fascinating how I can process and celebrate and dare I say, am eagerly awaiting, some of these but not another. I guess it all comes down to compassion and understanding and assumptions and expectations. Not necessarily in that order. But maybe in that order.
That's what's new over here.
How goes it with you?