Monday, March 21, 2011

Perfect Moment Monday - Fam

Because it's Monday. And I haven't done it in a while. Here's an update on the home front:

Last week's explosion left me feeling vindicated....for one hot minute. And then it just left me sad and tired from kicking someone when they are already down. I tried to put myself in my mom's shoes - displaced, still healing, completely reliant on other people and their care, unsure of what my husband's condition really is. In other words, helpless. And then I went and told her she was a sucky mom.

Whether or not I was right, I just didn't like how all of that made me feel.

So I tried to mend it.

I set up a lunch date for Sunday. And while I was at it, I made a little bit of an effort (as opposed to the zero that I clocked during the pregnancy) when I went to pick her up to pay attention to my cousin's new baby (who, dammit, is pretty cute) and to focus on their joy rather than the ouches in my own heart. I could tell it was appreciated.

Lunch went well. Neither of us mentioned the explosion. We didn't have to. Our meanness was spent. Now its time to move forward and try to figure out what the heck to do with dad. It was a nice afternoon. And I went home feeling lighter than when I started (except for that mound of Ol*ve G*rden pasta in my belly).

On to dad:

After much car wrangling, I made my way down to DE last Monday with my brother's (gonna be) souped up Honda while he worked on dad's non-starting minivan that I left behind.

And loved every bass-bumping, muffler rumbling, all-of-these-modifications-are-probably-illegal ride.

After a pleasant evening with dad on the couch watching TV, where he actually tried to understand what I do for a living (I still don't think he gets it but he tried. That's what matters.) we had what I thought was as good a consultation with a new doctor in a new hospital with a brand new cancer institute could be.

There are options. There are reasons the last surgery didn't work - namely, the place where we was simply is not equipped to manage high risk patients like my dad. The new surgeon agreed the best thing they could have done was quit while they were ahead.

We aren't any further along than where we were a few weeks ago. There's still a chunk of cancer in some diseased lungs that are barely held together by bubble gum and straw. But for the first time, I feel like we are in a place that can handle it. I feel like we have a plan complete with a backup plan if that plan doesn't work.

I feel like a little bit of effort went a long way into smoothing relations, helping my own piece of mind.

So, a couple of perfect moments in there:
  • couch time with dad
  • lunch time with mom
  • lunch time with mom and dad with minimal bickering (rare!) when he dropped me back off at home
  • holding a new baby and feeling not judgment, not envy, not anger, just love
And, um, have I mentioned these?


Heather said...

Holy smokes. There's a whole lotta perfect moments in there. Congrats, and good job.

Lori Lavender Luz said...

I think the boots made all the difference. When you have kickers like that, everything seems more manageable.

I'm glad you are having some closeness with your parents. Kudos to you for making that happen.

XO as you forge ahead, m.

Kathy said...

Glad you decided to participate in Perfect Monday Monday today! This is my 2nd time sharing/pariticipating.

Having recently gone through a rough patch (to put it lightly) with some family members (I am intentionally being general), I really appreciate how you have been feeling post-explosion. I admire your efforts to do some mending.

I am glad that you were able to find so many perfect moments today through you efforts to smooth things over, not to mention the boots! Thank you for sharing.

Delenn said...

Love the boots. Glad you were able to not only let go of the bad emotions, but to try to mend.

jill said...

Btw, I love your new boots! ;)