One. Two. Three. A family of three we shall be.
Official beta isn't until tomorrow, but our surrogate is an obsessive pee-on-a-sticker. When I hadn't heard anything last week, a quick email on Friday confirmed my suspicions, and ruined a good chunk of our weekend. Sigh. Last chance. No dice.
During the transfer, M and I were feeling a sense of relief. Whatever happens, we saw this through to the end. We explored every possibility. And now we can move on with our lives. With however many children the fates have fated us to have. It felt good to have closure. To be on our final transfer.
Friday, it didn't feel so good. Just...Final.
M is crushed. I'm more like numb. Denial? Perhaps I'm still waiting for that miracle beta. Perhaps I'm feeling pragmatic. I'm trying to remind myself that I wasn't really sure I wanted to go through this final round in the first place. I'm re-reading passages of Lauren's One and Only to reaffirm that there are distinct privileges and opportunities that being an only affords.
I'm sad there won't be more to love. I'm happy we can focus all we have on D. I'm sad there are mountains of baby clothes eagerly and tenderly saved that we'll now have to give away. I'm happy we can get bolder on our weekend adventures together, without a tiny baby to slow us down. Sad/happy. Happy/sad. Mostly just resigned and getting used to the new reality. A family of three we shall be.
I hope that you get your miracle beta tomorrow but if not, I would bet that the hope of having another child is going to take a while to grieve.
Oh I'm so sorry. Hoping you find resolve and peace with this. Hang in there.
Yes, I think it's going to take a while to work itself out. But there's always been a "maybe, just maybe" lingering out in the distance before. Not so this time. This could be the suckiest BFN ever (at least for us). Thanks so much for your thoughts.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Thinking of you two.
Sending a lot of good thoughts for tomorrow, and a hug to get through whatever the news will be.
I wish I could be there in person to deliver a big hug and just abide with you.
Sending love to you and M.
I'm so, so sorry.
Abiding with you.
Oh oh oh. My heart just hurts for you, abides with you, and wants to wrap you up in a huge, huge hug.
Abiding with you and so sorry that things are not looking positive (as far as the Beta goes). I appreciate your thought process and know that you will make the best of whatever will be. But I get how bittersweet that is. xoxo
I'm sorry. sending you much love.
Sending thoughts your way.
I am sorry. I am just sorry. I wish there were something better to say. My heart is with you as you take it all in.
hugs, hugs, hugs!! 3 is a beautiful number and no matter what you all will have an amazing family.
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