Thursday, August 30, 2007

What If

Sometime this morning, in the midst of meetings or perhaps this afternoon while I am frantically on the phone trying to pull a piece of print together for tomorrow's deadline, my cell phone will ring, I will look at the screen and see Nurse's name. I'll discreetly find a quiet place to take the call. And then I will find out whether or not to cancel the ultrasound and blood draw I have scheduled for Tuesday.

My donor comes in for a blood test today to see if this round of stimulation is working. Recall that this is our second attempt with a donor who failed to respond to the first round of stim drugs. We are trying a totally different protocol this time around in the hopes that last time was just a fluke.

I understand the odds. I also know that we are not ready to march into the clinic and say "just give us someone, anyone, fertile." Not yet. That feels like sleeping with the first person you see after breaking up from a long relationship. And we all know how well that works out.

Our donor is anonymous, but so similar to hubby and me in so many ways, it is hard to think of trying with anyone other than her. So I am not going to think about it until I have to. Which I hope I won't.

Even if today's news is not what we want to hear, the "what if" will be laid to rest. And that's important to me.

Here's to hoping.

1 comment:

stacyb said...

i hope you get good news today.

i understand about not wanting to move onto another donor so quickly -- or that it would be so easy. that makes total sense.