Friday, January 18, 2008

(Almost) The Strangest Dream Ever

While not nearly as disconcerting as this one, I had an incredibly bizarre, yet relevant dream earlier this week.

From what I can recall, it started out in a hospital changing room. I was disrobing and changing into the standard paper gown. "Open in the back, please." Someone escorted me to a waiting room, which was much nicer than the usual variety. There were cushioned benches along the walls and in the corners, there were actually bed-type lounges. It was nicely lit. I was pleasantly surprised.

Almost as soon as I got comfortable, a nurse brought in another woman who looked like she had just had some trauma/bad news/icky procedure. There was definitely distress and the nurse suggested that she should take one of the bed-lounges to relax. Of course. Of course! I even helped the woman go lay down and pulled a curtain across the lounge to give her some privacy.

Next another nurse came in with another woman. Not as distressed, but also in need of a bed. Sure. Go ahead. But then I went to sit down on one of the comfy benches and saw that they weren't there anymore. And that this waiting room that had been spacious and accomodating, now only had the two beds (now taken) and some crappy plastic chairs wedged under bright lights. No way! I started to protest when the nurse started urging me to the chair. Then I looked at my watch and was shocked to realize I had actually been in this nether-room for four hours!

I did what my non-dreaming self would have probably done - I freaked the f*ck out. I busted out of the room in my gown and started wandering the halls demanding to talk to somebody. Demanding an explanation for why I was kept in this wierdness for so long.

At this point, I am navigating halls in an office chair, using it as a vehicle for my half-naked self. I find myself in a honeycomb of cubicles which are apparently home to financial advisors and pencil pushers and hospital admin types who are none too happy to see me. "What's she doing in here?" "Why is there a patient here?" They are so bothered! I am screaming at the top of my lungs - "I need to talk to someone RIGHT NOW!" [I must have let out a sob because I wake up briefly here and hubby is holding me. ]

Back asleep, I'm in a conversation with a Nurse Ratched MF who's soothing me the way you're taught to soothe a hysterical woman. Obviously, this makes me madder.

My pleas must eventually be heard because I am finally in what seems to be a place where appointments are actually taking place. It bears an uncanny resemblance to the dressing room at TJ Maxx or another discount department store. But there's a big therapeutic tub at the far end of it.

For some reason, I decide that I absolutely must bathe in this tub.

So I do. And as I am getting out of it, I realize that this dressing room/examination place is now filled with geriatric old men in dressing gowns. (They must have been given the instruction to have them open in the front.) Oh hell yes, there was octogenarian phallus everywhere. It was grosser than gross.

So, I'm bothered. I start making my way to my examination room, which I'm told by a suave gray-haired male doctor is the one all the way to the right, at the end of the row. I enter and it looks more like a den or a library. Nothing sterile. No stirrups here. I start putting my normal clothes back on, which are somehow here waiting for me.

The doctor comes in an says bluntly, "they told me you're pregnant, but you don't really believe that, do you?" I'm stunned so I don't say anything. I may eventually mumble, "no, I guess not." And then he says, "good, because there's simply no way of knowing and its not like there's a heartbeat or anything." And then he lights his cigar.

A fucking cigar.

I wake up absolutely committed to go in search of a midwife, a doula, some good old fashioned female wisdom to guide me through pregnancy and beyond.

As soon as we hear what's what.

I'm pleased to report no home pregnancy test has been purchased yet. We've decided to enjoy the weekend and maybe take one on Monday, which would be 13 days after fertilization. The blood test is scheduled for 2 days later.


Lori Lavender Luz said...

Apparently your subconscious REALLY wants you to have a female practitioner.

I envy your ability to remember dreams so vividly.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

WOW - that was a wild dream. Wouldn't be surprised if the PIO was responsible, at least in part. I have had a strange dream or two and have heard other bloggers mention it as well.

You and I are almost on the same schedules - beta is on Friday, the 25th. But your chances are even better than mine. Have you seen the success rates for donor eggs? At least at my clinic, they are over 60%.

My fingers are crossed for you!!


Nearlydawn said...

OK, Sweetie, time to stop taking LSD before going to bed. LOL

I know how this is... This kind of dream is wicked scary, and just a little too close to home, isn't it? I had a couple of those early on. I'll spare you the details. :)

stacyb said...


well i'd say your wake up response was a totally sane one.

fingers and toes still staying crossed for you.