Saturday, July 26, 2008

Four Days Post Transfer - Feeling Groovy

Thanks so much for your comments and good vibes. I swear I can feel them and they feel great.

Tuesday's transfer went smoothly. We were snarled up in traffic and made it to the clinic a few minutes late, only to find that they were running about 1/2 hour late. Plenty of time for my bladder to fill.

We shared the tiny, tiny waiting room with another couple who were much more somber than our giddy selves. When the nurse came out to let us know they were running late and then went to the woman, sat next to her and softly put her hand on her shoulder to say, "I am really sorry we are seeing you today," my suspicions were confirmed.

I found myself in such a strange place. Trying to stay positive and focused on the potential future for us, but at the same time feeling my heart get heavier and heavier for this woman, who was obviously going to have to terminate her pregnancy. Of course, it's not a long distance from that to thinking about how I would feel in such a situation, how I would act. Then I would start to inwardly mourn, thus pushing out all positivity and light that I had been trying to collect within me all morning.

But how could I sit there and not recognize a fellow sister in distress?

I decided that what I would do is close my eyes and practice some deep breathing and some compassionate meditation. It was the only thing I could think to do that might balance the emotions I was feeling.

Soon enough, we were retrieved and taken back to the room we've been in twice before. I was feeling apprehensive since the day before, when the nurse phoned with our embryo report (5 thawed, 4 survived), he casually mentioned they might decide to put in more than 2. This only came out after I asked why they had thawed so many. That in itself had bothered me knowing we have so few left and should we need more...

Sure enough, our doctor arrived and showed us the 3 embryos she wanted to use for the transfer. Two gorgeous 12- and 14-celled beauties and one little 7-celled guy. I think we caught her off guard when hubby and I both said, "um, sorry. we don't want that."


Hubby and I have discussed this time and time again and, for us, we never felt comfortable transferring more than two embryos at a time. I never want to be put into a position hoping that one or two make it and....More important, I don't ever want to hear the words "selective reduction" uttered around me, let alone given to me as a decision to make. Not if I can help it.

Understood three embryos do not necessarily equal one baby let alone three. Yeah, I got that. But our choice, since we had one here, was to put all of our thoughts and love towards two little ones growing inside me. Little #7 is hopefully still growing towards blastocyst stage where he will be frozen and hopefully ready for the future. It just didn't feel right to us having that large a crowd in my uterus.

So, I spent a little bit of the first day feeling bad about leaving one behind. Like I had abandoned him. I'm still not sure we made the right decision, but it felt like the right decision for us.

Once she understood where we were coming from, our doc was completely supportive of us and continued on with an incident-free, stitch-free, polyp-free transfer, supported this time by double doses of progesterone just for good measure.

It's day four post-transfer. My feet are up as often as they can be. Stairs are being avoided. Nothing more than 10 lbs. is being lifted.

Day four post transfer and we are feeling groovy.


Drowned Girl said...

I have everything crossed for you.


Sarah said...

Me too! Sending good thoughts your way!

stacyb said...

happy to read everything went well M.

michelle said...

Oh good luck, good luck good luck!