Friday, February 12, 2010

What One Does

When one is at the lowest of lows...wait, I should say, what I did, when at the lowest of lows, was to surrender.

I confessed to myself and to you I was overwhelmed. Drowning in sorrow, grief, self-pity. Unable to see any way out of the mire. And I just sat with that for a while. Because I think you have to. The rest of the workweek is for denial. The day of delivery of bad news is for sitting with it. So I did.

And when M. came home I blurted it all out in one non-stop sentence. And then I let him sit with it for a while too. Which is hard, by the way, when you have had hours to digest something and then you have to watch that process unfold in someone else. I tried not to rush him through. Tried to let him come to his own conclusions.

And then we went out. And cried a little more. And then the soothing began. Frankly, the soothing began as soon as the first emails and comments came in. You soothed me.

Not only did you soothe my heart, you humbled me with your thoughts and offers of kindnesses I will not detail here. But wow.

I know it is awfully hard to be supportive when you know there is something going on with someone who is being incredibly cryptic about it all. But dammit, you found a way.

Thank you.

21 comments:

jill said...

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Still sending *hugs*!

Barbara said...

I'm glad there was soothing.

I'm hoping for much more for you guys.

xxx

Lani said...

oh man gabs, i'm so sorry. i want to just give you a giant hug- i guess sending it through cyber space will have to do.
xo ((((HUGS))))

LJ said...

Cryptic or not, I'm sending you as much warmth as we have snow (which is a boatload)

theluckylife said...

I don't know what to say. Whatever this is, I know for sure, 100%, that you don't deserve it. You are such an inspiration, and I love your description of surrender, and letting the pain wash over you instead of wasting energy trying to keep it at bay. There is tremendous power in surrender. I hope whatever it is washes totally away and out of your life just as quickly.
xxx

Dani819 said...

I don't need to know why you're in pain to know that you are. And I definitely don't need to know why to care about you.

musicmakermomma said...

I wish I could help in some way - your pain echoes across the internet. Take care of yourselves as best you can. Thinking of you.

annacyclopedia said...

I just love you. Cryptic or not.

Jessica said...

*hugs* thinking of you and praying for some peace and hope your way.

Lavender Luz said...

"It's what we do."

XOXOXOXOXO

angie said...

Just sending you much love and caring. We are here if you want to talk about it, or just here to tell you you are loved. You are loved, m. Very.

Kami said...

I hope the weekend has left you a bit more rejuvenated.

"And then I let him sit with it for a while too. Which is hard, by the way, when you have had hours to digest something and then you have to watch that process unfold in someone else. I tried not to rush him through. Tried to let him come to his own conclusions.

Well said and well done.

Bluebird said...

Oh that's the worst. Processing something then having to watch someone else you care about do the same. . . so hard and, often, so heartbreaking.

I wish there was more we could do. Is there??? If so, please let me know. We're "here" for you both, regardless. I know, to some, that doesn't seem like much, but we know that it helps in some strange way :)

Michele said...

many hugs...

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Smiling said...

glad we were able to do something... wish we could do more. Glad you both had time to sit with it. Glad the soothing could start. Kindof pissed that more shit has been tossed your way though. Take care. May some peace find you sometime soon!!!

nancy said...

The internets are just good for giving warm hugs wehn needed. I'm glad everyone pitched in and helped you in that big hug you received. ~hugs~

kristi said...

I've lurked and read... and this just breaks my heart for you. Wish words could really make it all better

Kami said...

Stopping by to let you know you and your DH are in my thoughts.

stacyb said...

hi m...long time. i have been reading and reading your eloqunetly expressed posts and if i could i would reach out and hug you or sit next to you on top of a mountain and look at the sky after a really long hike -- the kind where you have to stop thinking to get up the hill...
and well, i join the others in sending you and your DH my thoughts, and strength you need and just support and my gosh, thank you for stopping by and offering your support to me at a time when it seems that might be the last thing you'd want to do.

Andrea said...

We've all been there, and when you are at the lowest of the lows, the only direction you can move is up! You will get through this. Just remember to take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

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