Mood

I am in a bit of a quandary.

I have all kinds of things to share. It's been a week of superlatives. First venture out into workdom! Most inappropriate comments by a health care employee! Kindest doctor ever (EVER) encounter! Best book I have read in a long time! Most amazing insurance news ever! Ok, all of this went down. I have notes and scribbles all over my little journal/date book filled with things I need to tell you. Pieces of my life I have to share.

Thing is, I don't really feel like blogging right now. At least not about most of these topics. At least not with the seriousness that some of them deserve. Having just got back into this whole work thing, I'm kind of digging it, and I know if I veer out of Outlook and into Blogger, a good portion of my afternoon could very well be shot. I obviously haven't completely regained my focus and ability to multi-task.

And this is ridiculous but I am so distressed at the thought that folks just coming on to this blog for the first time (ICLW fellows, helloooo!) might get the impression that I am a perpetually "oh woe is me" kind of gal. Or that I wander around all day brooding. Or that I am bathing in my grief each morning and it only occasionally rubs off. And that's just not me. But reading this recent slew of posts, you could very well get that impression.

Once upon a time, I was actually kind of funny. At least, I cracked myself (and sometimes my husband) the hell up. And I have finally reached a point (I think. at least right now. Don't jinx it. Don't jinx it....) where I am feeling ok. Not fabulous. Not fulfilled. But not empty. Not hopeless. Not sad 24/7. I might just be in a good mood today. And I would like to savor those moments when they come.

I'm bored with being angry, so do I really need to spend a whole post on the doctor's office exchange that started with, "So, any chance of you being pregnant? Oh, of course not. You're 34...." (Oh hells yes, it got worse). No. Not right now. A few days out, it's kind of funny, but not funny enough to waste time recounting. Come buy me a beer. Maybe I'll tell you then.

But I do think some time needs spent on some of the other bits of news. So, I'll try to give them their due respect, perhaps later tonight once I'm off the clock. In the meantime, I invite you, take just a minute or two and click on an archived post. Might I recommend a pre-December 2008 vintage? (squeeze the cork, eye the bottle, swish the glass) I would love for you to get to know me. Not just the current state of me.

Ambitious Lists

When all of this went down, I was contemplating dropping out of IComLeavWe this month. Granted, it wasn't the first thing on my mind, but it was there.

How can I read about everyone else's lives when mine feels like it's falling apart? How can I share joy? Offer comfort? Commiserate? Laugh, even? Those were my thoughts from what feels like ages ago.

Today, on this sunny, brisk morning, I am thinking that I can. Not only that I can, but I should. And that it will feel good.

This morning, armed with my cup of (decaf) coffee, I am so ready to crack open my computer and visit some worlds that aren't mine right now. Look out, ladies. I'ma comin' over!

And I am not stopping there. After I get my bloggy fill, I have big plans for today which include:

1. getting dressed (look out, world)
   
2. ironing
3. watering my plants
4. addressing and sending the remaining announcements and Xmas cards
5. making soup (and maybe some cookies)
6. calling our RE to see when we can come over, talk, hug, check out some donor profiles
   
7. cracking open my work email (if only to peek. L, don't get mad. I won't do anything useful)
8. doing more research on possible avenues that might lead me to my birth parents (dear readers - comments and suggestions are welcome)
9. prepping some walls I plan to paint (because, well, I have all these cans of no VOC paint)
   
10. maybe, just maybe, going to the gym
    
11. finishing The Big Year and then,
    
12. taking a walk to the library

By then, M. will be home and ready to share his latest sleuthing ideas (see #8).

So, did this post really devolve into a mundane "how I plan to spend my day?" Yes, sorry. I'm afraid it did. But for those of you who know me in real life, this should bring a smile to your face. Because is there anything that signals a return to (semi-)normalcy than my anal-retentive lists?