Monday, September 3, 2007

Oh If Only.....

Good lordessa, if only it were this easy.

I was totally fine with this post full of helpful tips on how to get pregnant (#1 stop birth control) until the last "helpful tip" which reads like this:

5.) Pray, Pray, Pray. Don’t listen to doctors when they tell you that you’re not able to conceive. God is the only person who can determine that. God will give you a baby when he thinks you’re ready for one. He is there to give you all the support you need. Have faith in him and when your time comes you will be blessed with a beautiful baby.

I know that we are all of different faiths and inclinations and I am truly not trying to offend....

But reading that brought my blood to a boil. Because only good and faithful people have babies, right? The world is filled with good and faithful babies who turn into good and faithful leaders and that's why the world is so great, right? And only bad people die from cancer or other diseases or, gasp, can't naturally conceive. It's all about deserving.

Pregnant = blessed. Infertile = cursed and unworthy of a christian god's love, unless of course its in a pitying, charitable way.


We get up bright and early tomorrow a.m. to find out whether or not we are deserving of continuing this cycle. And um, I am probably going to listen to what the doctor tells me.


Anonymous said...

Even though I wrote that post, I can feel your frustration by reading it. I know what it's like to be infertile and I know what it's like to cry every month that an IUI fails, or that the Clomid did not work. I still haven't been able to conceive. I have been seeing an infertility specialist for one year and have been told that I may not conceive at all. I put my faith in God, because right now, that is all I have. I do not expect everyone else to agree with that post and I do not expect everyone to put their faith in the Lord. So, I'm sorry that post offended you and I wish you the best of luck tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

i don't see in any way, shape, or form where she said that if you don't pray you won't have a baby, and i don't see where she says God decides who DESERVES to be a mother.

it's really weird that such a peaceful, optimistic message she was trying to send made your "blood boil." the only thing i saw in her "tip" was that she was using her Christian faith/values to talk about something that has personally helped *her* and since it's on *her* website, what is the problem?

and usually i don't delve into "net drama" but she's one of my "real life" best friends and one of the nicest, funniest people you'll ever meet in your life. and i don't want her getting criticism she does not deserve from someone who read way too far into a simple paragraph.

wifethereof said...

Glad I found your blog!
That has been one of my biggest pet peeves,that people think IF is a spirtual and not a medical issue. Morons. If one more person tells me to pray more my husband will be bailing me out of jail on assault charges.

m said...

Dear Jess,

Thank you, first of all, for your wishes for tomorrow. And I am sorry that you, too, haven't been able to conceive yet. I do understand the need to put faith in one's god.

I know that you never expected everyone who read your post to agree with it, just as I anticipated some flak for my post tonight.

Perhaps "blood boil" was too harsh a term - because frustration is really what I am feeling. Frustration from the constant patriarchal imposition on the one thing that women have that men do not - our wombs.

I am so frustrated that decisions made in the past and ones that will be made regarding my own ability to bear a child were made and will be made by a predominantly male medical field. And I can't help thinking that were that not the case, things would be different.

Dear Jess, I hope you did not see my post as me criticizing you because it wasn't. It was me, responding to a post, with which I didn't agree.

I wish you the best on your journey and I hope that there is a positive end to it.


Kami said...

That is so much BS. So, whose god should I believe in in order to qualify for a baby? I understand wanting to believe that there is an all powerful being out there handing out gifts, but that doesn't make it true.

My personal opinion is that there is nothing other than the natural world. Beliefs in gods or powers or karma are all ways we try to create order out of chaos.

Anonymous said...

good point! i am a Christian, but do not subscribe to the 'if you pray long enough logic all your wishes will come true.
I think he really does loves us to pieces - personally - but I don't think he hands out babies if you pray enough. (I know enough bad parents to know that you are not handed children on a merit system).
I get really pissed off when people try to reason what God will or will not do. Or when people reason that God will condemn one action over the other etc, etc. No one has a direct pipeline to God.
I had to end a very much loved pregnancy at 22 weeks and then lost a pregnancy the following year at 23 weeks. When people started to reason why God would allow such a thing it pissed me off. There is no good reason for the loss of my babies, and I resented that so many Christians were quick to come up with a reason.
Anyway...enough venting on your post. Suffice it to say that my blood boils too.
And I am so so sorry for your loss...