Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Mercy

11 years ago yesterday, I reluctantly went to meet a stranger at the Wroclaw train station, fully equipped with an excuse to bow out early and a "chance" encounter from a friend to "save" me should the task be too awful.

Two days later, M moved in (much to the chagrin of my Polish landlady. That is putting it kindly). 11 years later, multiple countries, many many adventures later, here we are.

I can still remember what I was wearing, what he was wearing, the flower he held (bird of paradise. what?) which made me assume he wasn't the American I was supposed to show around town. What American thinks to bring flowers? I can remember that by mid evening, I was interested enough to get slightly ruffled when he called my friend Jowi (yes, the first one) "baby" even though we were all more than tipsy and he was promptly and sweetly rebuffed.

I remember the strangest feeling of inevitability I have ever felt. I wasn't quite sure whether I even liked this dude, but I KNEW that this was the person I would be spending the rest of my life with.

Never mind it took us 4 more years to get married and that was done, really, on a whim because we both assumed I was going to get a foreign service gig that I didn't. We joke that I totally scammed him into it.

Sorry dude. Dinner was nice though, wasn't it? The honeymoon too.

Our relationship is a wonderful one. But, as Angie said so well about a different (but related) topic: "It is not fucking easy. And it is not fucking luck." We work hard every day to love and be loved. And actually, it was the latter that I had a hard time with in the beginning of our bond. "That guy that hurt you? That's not me." Was nearly a daily mantra for M.

And now, we work hard every day to keep each other from falling into the abyss. Because it is right there. Right. There. Sometimes it feels as if our toes are slipping and the other person's shirt is sliding out of our sweaty hands and perhaps in trying to save one of us both of us are going to fall, but so far, we are ok.

And here is some mercy:

Yesterday, we finally received a call with the results from the endometrial biopsy.

Shockingly, I was in phase.

Which doesn't erase the fact that my lining is thinner than they would like and its not the trilaminar beauty you want to see before going into a transfer. It does not take away the fact that my odds of miscarriage or pre-term labor and delivery are high, IF we even reach a BFP. It does not give us more than the 3 embryos we have. It does not make things all better.

But it sure as hell helps.

We now have the green light to move forward with an FET.

Which we will do. Right after a spur of the moment vacation.

18 comments:

Ryan's Mommy said...

That is great news. One more hurdle you've now got behind you. Wishing you a happy vacation and that time flies before your FET.

Monique said...

Exciting! Sending much love & positive vibes your way. Hang on tight to one another - your right, it is work to keep each other from falling into the abyss. I'm so glad you have one another. Much love.

Stacie said...

Yeah! Finally some good news! Enjoy your vacation! :-)

Bluebird said...

I love this post! Thanks for sharing a little more about you two; what a great story. And you're right - it is work. I love the way you put that.

Happy belated anniversary, and congrats on the upcoming vacation. I am so glad you'll be sent off with good news re a FET.

Barbara said...

A chance is a chance, right?

Good news and a good holiday for good people!

xxx

annacyclopedia said...

Congratulations on 11 years! This is just so beautiful: "We work hard every day to love and be loved."

This is the secret I wish I had known about marriage before I entered into it. Actually, I wish I had known this about all relationships, instead of falling for the stupid romantic crap that always screwed me up in the past. Although I guess I should be glad since I miraculously ended up learning this lesson with the perfect man for me in this life.

And I absolutely love, love, LOVE the idea of you both meeting at a train station, him holding a bird of paradise. Swoon.

I'm so glad you've been granted some mercy, and that you're taking a little vacation. May the mercy and the good news just keep coming for both of you.

Lavender Luz said...

Woohoo! A green light! It's something.

Happy meetingversary to you both. Eager to hear more about this spontaneous vacation...

Kami said...

Ahhh . . . Congratulations on the anniversary of your meeting.

That is great, great new about your biopsy. I will be sending you good thoughts!

I have been wondering . . . will the issue that caused the thinner-than-you-would-like lining eventually heal so if this cycle isn't a stellar success, you would have more luck next time.

Oh, I so hope this works for you.

nutmeg96 said...

SO glad you finally got some good news.

FET Accompli said...

I loved the story of how you met, and how you just knew. It was beautiful to read. And I'm so glad to read the good news!

michelle said...

I love this post! Seriously M moved in with you 2 days after you met him?! That definitely beats my record of 3 months! I am so glad to hear that you got some positive news. Enjoy your vacation with each other!

FET Accompli said...

I loved reading how you and your hubbie met - what a beautiful story of love that was meant to be. (And I understand that the most destined love still takes work!)
Wonderful to hear about the good news!!

Loretta said...

I remember feeling the same sort of inevitability before I started dating my husband. I just couldn't see it working out any other way.

I'm so happy you finally got some good news. I'll be wishing you the best.

Sue said...

What good news! I hope you have wonderful vacation.

Mo and Will said...

Thank goodness for some mercy finally. You deserve it! Enjoy your vacation and will be following along as you pursue your FET.

Cara said...

I would have given ANYTHING to see that landlady's face!!!

You and your hubby deserve no less than an easy round. Go have fun...see you when you get back.

C86 said...

This post is fucking brilliant. I remember this time too, when you had to meet 'someone' that was passing through Poland as a favour from back home. You'll never know the number of people I've told this story to because I've lost count myself...

Onwards and upwards with the new journey... Love you x

Anonymous said...

Wishing you all the best.

P.S. So cool to read about Poland and Wroclaw. I am Polish and I leave in FL.

A

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