Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Searching: Jersey Girl

Dooooooods, I am from NEW JERSEY.

Did you know that? I didn't. But now I do. I am a North Jersey girl through and through (ok, the north part is pure speculation at this point, but we are pretty good at geography and ethnic communities and by process of elimination we are pretty certain its north Jersey.)

Wait. Stop. Let me back up.

I received my first little packet of info from CSS today. The one that contains my non-identifying information. Most of which I already had, but some that I didn't. So, a lot of good news there: 1. nothing was inconsistent with the birth story I have always been told (parents = super young, family = super Catholic) 2. I now know more about my birth grandparents and aunts (2) and uncles (2) and WHERE I AM FROM.

Can you imagine what this means to me?

I have been on cloud 9 since I ripped open the envelope yesterday after work. I have been composing this blog post in my head since then (although its all coming out in a jumble now). I went to bed and woke up this morning HAPPY. Can you believe that? Happy. The happiest I have been in over six months. My soul feels lighter. I feel physically lighter. Because I know where I am from.

This could not have come at a better time. Our infertility and loss and continued bad news on the future fertility front has all been culminating into a pretty substantial identity crisis for me over here. Who am I again? What did I do before trying to trick my body into things it doesn't do on its own? What will I do with my life if it is one that doesn't include children? What was the focus of my life all those years before we even thought children were a possibility? Who am I again? Surely I am more than my lady parts, but what is that more?

Dudes, I am a Jersey girl. That is a start.

Now, I know there is still a loooong road ahead. One that may or may not lead to communication with my birth parents. And based on what I am reading, my prediction is that my birth mother and father will probably want to talk with me (I hope), my birth families, not so much. Now more than ever I am fairly certain that my birth parents had little say over my adoption. My birth mom was shipped off to her grandparents until I was born.

Which is how I ended up here.

So much more to say about all of this, but its going to have to wait. The work emails and skypes have started, two of my co-workers are out of state and freaking out about various things (M! L! Relax!) so I should probably begin my day.

Just know that I am starting it with a smile on my face and a peace that is entirely new.

21 comments:

angie said...

did i submit a comment to you? i think i might have erased it. if i didn't, let me just say, incredible news. and as always sending you a ton of love.

Jill said...

That is so cool! I can't wait to hear more about your birth family as you find it out.

FET Accompli said...

That must have been so exciting to open the package. I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling happy - Jersey Girl!

Anonymous said...

hey jersey girl, i was NOT freaking out! ;p bite me! luv ya, L.

Sue said...

What exciting news - I'm glad you've gotten this far in finding out more about where you came from.

Infertile In the City said...

WOW that must be so much to take in, I hope it helps provide some comfort...

jill said...

Yay - a Jersey girl! :) I can't even begin to imagine what this is like for you but I'm so glad you are (slowly) getting what you want and are happy!

annacyclopedia said...

Dude, I am so, so happy for you that you got this news and that it is making you so happy. I read this post first thing in the morning, and it's taken me all day to comment, but it has been making me smile all day long, the thought of the peace and lightness this tidbit has brought you. Lovely.

Bluebird said...

Oh my gosh! What a strange and awesome feeling that must be! I hope this is just the first of many steps toward finding your answers.

Monique said...

Very cool! And I'm happy for you - this is the happiest I've been all day! Sending you much love.

Kami said...

Hi Jersey Girl!

Wow! I am so happy for you. I can feel your joy through your words and it is just so wonderful.

Barbara said...

I can't imagine how this feels for you but hey, you are smiling so I am smiling with you!

Wishing you even more peace on this road.

xxx

Holly said...

OOO-I love a good mystery and this one is getting really good now...glad you have something to make you happy and give you a distracting purpose! Can't wait to hear more.

Lisa DG said...

One more piece to the puzzle for you- This is great news! I know that this process must bring up so much for you as you gather more and more information.

It is hard to predict how your birth parents and family will feel. You can be certain that they all thought about you throughout the years, wondering how you were doing, what you looked like, etc.

Sending you much love and support each day.

Skerry said...

I am so happy for you, that you are on a hopeful journey as you search out your beginnings. :)

Amy said...

I am so happy for you! I've always wanted a Jersey Girl as a friend. Can you do that Wild Coyote thing? ;-)

Seriously, this is just so wonderful. I'm smiling with you.

loribeth said...

OK, I'm going to be humming Bruce all day long now. ; ) So glad you have been able to find out more. Wishing you luck in your next steps.

Lavender Luz said...

Wow. You feel 25 pounds lighter -- what a great post!

Your post showed up in my Reader right beside this one. Do you two know each other?

http://coloradodentons.blogspot.com/2009/06/note-to-my-birth-mom.html

Can't wait to see how this unfolds.

Melissa said...

I'm thanking Ms Lavvie, as well! :o) Non-id info is very surreal, isn't it?! I look forward to following your journey.. so nice to meet you!

Rachel said...

This was such a great post to read. I'm so glad that you are getting the little pieces of your birthstory.

Smiling said...

that is absolutely wonderful!!! I am so happy for you. What a wonderful bit of news - here's to the possibility of your hopes panning out!!!

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