Oms per Mile

While there are a lot of trade offs with surrogacy, I mean, a LOT, it does come with its advantages. This whole two week wait thing, its a ton easier when its not you. I was thinking about this as I eked out a few miles on the treadmill last night and envisioned of the glass of wine I would have on the balcony after dinner.

Another thing I noticed while trodding along at the gym was that the person next to me was making some hand gestures every few minutes. Further inspection: it was the sign of the cross. It only took me a few more steps to realize he was actually saying the rosary* as he ran. Praying while he ran.

Now, you know I'm not the praying kind (although I heartily welcome and accept and embrace any prayers that might be happening out there for us and the little bud), but my fellow runner's actions really struck me. What an efficient use of time! I wondered if he was praying for anything specific. Was this his routine? Did he use his prayers to give him focus as he ran, or the opposite, to pull him away from his bodily thoughts?

I've been reading books by athletes lately (Brendan Brazier, Scott Jurek) and I've been debating this one here on running and meditation, but I wasn't quite there yet. Wasn't sure how practical it would be, or if I even wanted to give up my techno mixes for some greater enlightenment.

But my neighbor at the gym last night - he made it seem so effortless. Counting off the prayers as naturally as if he were exhaling.  I could do that.

My usual M.O. when I run varies. Sometimes I plot out my day, think through any meetings or conversations I need to have. I write blog posts in my head. Sometimes I just sink into the repetitive beats. when the going gets tough I talk to myself - this twisted combination of cajoling and castigating to get a few more steps in. From: C'mon, m, you got this, you're doing GREAT!....Descending into: dude, stop being a p*ssy. Run. It's not rocket surgery. Just do it. When I'm feeling unusually cruel, I match my steps to some greater prize. Ok, m. if you can make it to the bridge, everything is going to go ok in this next cycle. If you don't....well, no baby for you.

Cruel. I know.

Which makes me think, maybe a meditation route is the kinder, more constructive way to go.

Fellow runners (walkers, exercisers), what's on your mind when you run? Do you pray? meditate? plan? write? daydream? How do you spend your miles?

*Rosary: it's a Catholic thing. String (or ring) of beads, each signifying a series of prayers.

A Five Finger Exercise*

*and no, its nothing pervy, and is completely unrelated to a five-finger discount. It's 100% legal and maybe even good for you.

**

The alarm rings every weekday morning at 6:45 am, unless M. pops out of bed before that. My eyes open too, but just long enough to register that I have a few more minutes to sleep while M. hits the shower and gets dressed. He talks to me while I'm still buried in covers. Sometimes I remember what I say, often I don't. He leaves the room to grab a bite to eat. I catch a few more winks, then growl out of bed to meet him on the couch. If I'm blessed with a morning that doesn't include a 7:30 am meeting, I might even be cheeky enough to grab another 10 minutes of sleep there once he says goodbye and the door shuts.

M says he's never met anyone that tried to suck more sleep out of a night than me.

This is because as soon as my eyes open, I reach for my phone to tell me what awaits. And as soon as I register to anyone in the outside world that my eyes are open and I am semi-coherent, my day begins, and usually snowballs from there.

I bet this is the case for every one of you, too. The day begins = you're off and running. I just happen to have the luxury of being able to cling to my last moments of sleep to stall that process for just a little more. So I take it.

But I hope that won't always be the case. I hope there will be a time, some time in the near future, that drifting back to sleep won't be an option. Because there will be a mouth to feed, tiny needs to be attended to...

So I better come up with a new plan.

In fact, I need a new plan anyway. The one I have brings me dangerously close to being late - Often - for places I need to be. And task avoidance via sleep only gets you so far.

Luckily, when I attended a conference a few weeks ago, in addition to getting to spend some delicious quality time with my girl Dresden, I actually walked away with some very useful stuff. Including this little gem:
Ok, what is this? You ask. This is your little pocket guide to just a few seconds of peacefulness, mindfulness and meditation you can fit into your day, especially those days when slipping back into the covers are not an option. I got this in a session entitled, "Managing Activist Fatigue," and while it wasn't exactly what I had been hoping for, this was a pretty nice takeaway. Here's how it works:

Sit down. Get comfortable. Calm yourself. Close your eyes. Breathe in slow. Hold it. Breathe out slow.

Take your next breath and as you do, touch your thumb to your index finger. During the hold, think of a time when you were physically tired, like exhausted, but in a good way. Like after a long hike, good run, full day getting shit done....you get the picture. Hold that image and feeling in your mind as you hold your breath. Breathe out.

In the next breath, touch your thumb to your middle finger and envision a moment when you felt unconditionally loved. With your partner, your dog, a friend, a sibling....just any moment where you felt surrounded by love. Hold it. Keep it. Breath out.

Next breath, thumb to ring finger, a time when you performed well - at work, at school, dealing with a situation at home....any time where you looked back on your own behavior and thought, dang, I done good. Hold it. Keep it. Breath out.

Lastly, thumb to pinkie, envision a beautiful place. A place that you've been to or seen that takes your breathe away with its loveliness or grandeur. Try to visualize as much of it as you can in that one breathe. Hold it. Keep it. Breath out.

Ok! Done! Open your eyes. And try to carry that feeling with you for as long as you can during the day. Stop and do it as often as you need it, strengthening the visuals you have or creating new ones each time.

And don't eye roll until you try it! I was mid-roll in the session and then we did it, and dang it if it didn't alleviate at least a little of the tension that had been building leading up to the weekend.

In fact, I did it this morning, right before I posted this post, to convince myself that yes, indeed, I did have a few minutes to blog before running forward in my crazy day.

Take this. Try it. And get on with your crazy days.

"Releasing my Inner Nonsense"

I love this new take on a sun salutation so much, I need to link to it right here. No, no a bookmark isn't sufficient. I have a gajillion of those. So here. Here it is. Many thanks to Lucky Life (new blogger, holla!) for sharing. Now go get peaceful, ya'll. I am. As soon as I get back from happy hour tonight.

Just kidding.

I'll probably do it before.

Already?!?!

For some reason, I had in my mind that I had the entire month of July to get ready for the next FET. A full month to lose weight, get all yoga-fied and fit, fall into an acupuncture routine, visualize a big belly, you know, get ready.

It seems my calendar skills are off. Way off.

Got a call from our New Nurse yesterday afternoon (sigh, we finally had to say goodbye to Nurse, whose skills are needed for the "fresh" egg donor recipients that seem to be flooding the RE) to tell us that all systems were go and that we were ready to begin the routine - have some estrogen, have a little more estrogen, ok, now double that, now come over so we can wand your woo woo and see if your lining is responding. If so, pull out the big guns and begin your new and improved double dosage of progesterone, complete with, drumroll please, suppositories!

Ok, I'm making fun, but we really are excited about this cycle. Only, it's going much faster than I anticipated.

What?!?! Is that a woman trying to conceive who is actually complaining about something going too fast? Will the irony cops please respond? (and while you're at it, call in the italics police, this lady's going a little crazy...)

Luckily, I meet with my acupuncturist this afternoon. I am hoping we can ramp up our appointments to coincide with the shortened time frame. I have a whole week of vacation to look forward to next week, which seems fortuitous given that we are now looking at a transfer as early as the 18th?!?!?

My gosh. That calls for some beach time.

I originally scheduled the vacation to help prepare for this other big thing in my life that I'm trying to accomplish. (I'd link to something here if I weren't paranoid). Let's just say it involves a series of exams, government employment and the ability and desire to travel. A lot.

And yes, I do think that can happen with a maybe baby.

Plenty of time to talk about all of this later. Right now, I have some meditation to do.

Word.

Feng Shui-ing It Up

The Second Happiness Challenge comes at a very good time: October our most stressful month at work due to a huge conference at the end of it and a boss that thrives on procrastination and pressure. And it seems we have some time on our hands until our cycle begins. All the more time to get our minds and bodies prepared.

Still struggling with meditation but I think I've found the book for me. Mark Thornton, author of Meditation in a New York Minute, promises me that I "can be super busy, super successful and super calm at the same time." I am down with that.

I am sure that meditation purists will cringe at that statement. But hey, I am willing to give it a shot - at least a read.

In the meantime, I've decided maybe I need to get some more positive chi flowing. Not only through me but our apartment as well. Hence my recent library acquisitions regarding feng shui. So far, it's all a little too new-agey for me, but there are definitely some pieces of it that make sense. De-cluttering and always making the bed are a good things. Trying to avoid dark corners, sharp edges and dampness - cool. Before I start balancing the ying and yan in my living room, I am just going to work towards this goal:

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."

-William Morris

I started on the kitchen this morning this morning. Now I'm taking a break before I continue feng shu-ing it up. At the very least, I hope to use the exercise itself as a type of meditation. Freeing up space around me to hopefuly air out some dark corners and sharp edges in my mind.

Meditation, Take Two

Ok! Now I am ready!

I realized pretty quickly that meditation was not innate for me. I need some help.

Luckily, hubby is a huge fan of the public library and has been known to make several trips there in the course of one week. I took advantage of his lunchtime stroll today and placed a TON of books on hold for him to pick up for me.

Among them:
the Joy Within - A Beginner's Guide to Meditation
Chakra Breathing Meditations - 3 Guided Practices to Unify Body, Breathing and Mind
Two books on Feng Shui

And Wikis for Information, Work and Collaboration, but that's another story.

What a haul! And that's not even counting the handful of CDs he picked up for himself. I am still waiting for the book that I want the most - Meditation in a New York Minute - that comes tomorrow.

I heart the library.