Thursday, June 18, 2009

Dear Powers That Be

Dear powers that be:

Today is M's birthday. Please let it be a good one. Some surprise presents this morning softened the start but I can sense he's apprehensive. Slightly unsettled. Putting on a brave face.

The first words out of his mouth this morning were, "I'm sorry I don't make so much money."

He is finally in a place where he enjoys what he does, is invested in the things he creates on a daily basis and somehow that's not enough? Now somehow funds are an issue, when they have never been? Ever? We are in a far better fiscal place (still not great but at least we have a plan) than ever before and cash is his concern?

I seriously doubt it.

But with fatherhood on hold, Father's Day looming and ESPN playing that fucking wiffleball-kids and dads in the backyard-these are priceless moments-reminding men to play with their kids promo Every Fucking Minute when the remote is nowhere to be found, well, I am guessing an existential crisis could be brewing.

Dear ESPN: Please stop acting like you care, you Disney shills.

Dear powers that be: Please cut my honey some slack.



Bluebird said...

My heart breaks for our husbands. I keep wanting to write a post about Fathers' Day, and about the fact that I haven't seen any other posts about Fathers' Day! Well, not like I saw posts about Mothers' Day. . . But I don't feel like I can because I know B regularly reads my blog. I'm nervous and a little apprehensive about it myself :)

I'm sorry birthdays have lost some of their appeal in this reality we all share. I'll be thinking about you and M today, and hoping he has some moments of peace.

My birthday was last week and I refused to celebrate it in the traditional way (I used to love my birthday, talked about it for weeks, big dinner out with B, etc.) This year - we ended up ordering a pizza and taking it (and a six pack of beer) to the park to eat with our trees. We didn't mention "birthday" or make a sentimental deal out of the fact that we were there, and I was more calm than I imagined I could be. Just thought I'd share :)

((Hugs)) to you both.

Jill said...

that broke my heart a little. I hope he has a fantastic birthday!

Just me said...

Ach. It's hard to be the husband. Society expects you to "take care" of your families and stay on stoic and strong through it all. Even if that is not directly what his wife expects, I think a guy has a hard time ignoring the societal beliefs.

My husband has been mopey and blue lately too. He's not a big 'expresser' so I'm not even sure why or how to help. I am positive that part of it has to do with all this baby nonsense.

I hope M has a lovely, happy birthday. :)

April said...

You write about your love for your husband in such a beautiful and pure way. I have such respect for your sensitivity for his experience along with your own.

Nadine said...

Ye know any time - I am here for you okay.
Some people are reflective on their birthday, and I know for me I sometimes reflect on what defines me, and what I lack (baby/family). Money is hard, especially when their is infertility treatments to pay for (and for me surrogacy - I too wish I make more money).
BUT allt hat said - Happy birthday M - may you be filled with the knowledge of all the great things in your life.

jill said...

Oh your poor husband :( I hope you both can find a way through to happiness and less self-doubt. It's so hard.

Having you and a job he loves are two huge accomplishments in life. He should be proud. :)

Mick said...

I know where he's coming from. It's my birthday on Saturday, and Father's Day on Sunday.

Our kid would've been almost two and a half now, and watching all the children with their fathers is more than unbearable. For the last two years my birthday has been largely ignored. Father's Day not talked about. But just because we don't talk about it doesn't stop us thinking about it. Nowadays I get extra melancholy on such days, thinking of what could (and should) have been.

I feel as if I have somehow failed my wife. And on those darker moments I feel extremely guilty about the death of our child, even though that I know that it's nobody's fault.

Your husband feelings are shared by a hell of a lot of men around the world.

Just let him know that there's a guy sitting in Poland thinking of him and wishing him, not necessarily a happy, but a more bearable birthday...

Smiling said...

Your love for your husband you write about it in a way that is inspiring. It really shows through your posts.

The ESPN ad bit really hit my heart.

As for the cash/money side, I have found that I suddenly am talking lots about how little I make (doing work I love and care deeply about... and I have always said I choose that over money) and for me I am thinking that it is because I feel so little control in my life, have so little to show for myself this year, and that the one thing that I can control about the process is saving money for another cycle. Not that it relates to your husband's situation, just something I noticed in myself.

Take care!

Anonymous said...

A happy belated birthday to your man. xo