Sunday, June 13, 2010

Gonna Be

A few days ago M. and I stopped in to see the last few plays of our local minor league baseball team. Kids picked from the crowd usually supply the entertainment between innings. There are trivia contests, funny face contests, and races of varying degrees of humiliation. Tell me, would you let your little one get put in a hot dog outfit and race against ketchup and mustard? I probably wouldn't but d*mn, that one's a crowd-pleaser.

The point of this inning's "race" was for the kids to run shoeless along the third base line, find their shoes which had been scattered and thrown around the area, put them on, race back. First one back wins. One young'un wasn't having all that. When the Go! was given, he dashed to the pile of shoes, grabbed two, any two, and sprinted back. "No, no! They need to be your shoes!" the announcer laughed. But everyone knows it doesn't really matter. Everyone's declared a winner in these things, so why not mix it up a bit? M. and I were impressed with the 5-year old's resourcefulness and utter disregard for the rules.

me: "That's so awesome. I'd be so proud if that were my kid."

M: "That would have been our kid."

[Silent nods. A shared look. Quiet.]

me: "That's gonna be our kid."

M: "yes."


Speaking of resourcefulness, we are back to challenging ours. No green light for our proposed gestational carrier. That's 0 for 2.

And yes this is a disappointment, but somehow not as crushing as the first one. This one is disappointing in a different way. When our clinic said no to the first potential GC, it felt like the door slamming shut on any hope for a family. Ever. Certainly never with any of our own frozen blasts waiting so patiently on ice. But then a wonderful person proved us wrong by saying, "hey, what about me? I think I could help." Knowing that we cannot move forward with this person stinks mostly because it would have been so wonderful to have her and her family as an official part of our extended family.

But somehow it doesn't feel like the end of the world this time.

Maybe we're just growing resilient. Maybe delusional.

But today I am filled with the feeling that this will happen. We will someday be the proud parents of the kid that just scammed the rest of them in the between-inning competition.

Now we just need to figure out how.


Silver said...

Hoping for a third time lucky for you!

LJ said...

Oh no about #2! I think we need a brunch just so I can get the scoop from you on this. But you will be parents, and hell yeah, I'd LOVE that to be my kid!

Nadine said...

It will happen, hang in there, as you know sometimes the road is cruelly long.

still life angie said...

Oh, m, so so sorry to hear that it didn't work out with numero dos. this is a beautiful post. xo

Catherine W said...

This is a lovely post. Sorry to hear the number two is no go but . . . I'm going with resilient rather than deluded. All the way.
I'm so hopeful that it's gonna be. x

Smiling said...

this post was wonderful.. as were the last two. Hoping for 3rd time lucky as well. I also really hear you about having someone offer to help that is just PERFECT and someone you want to be part of your extended family.

TracyOC said...

Third time will be the charm. It has to be.

ezra'smommy said...

Hugs. Wishing #2 had worked out. xoxo

Nearlydawn said...

I don't get it... how can a fertility clinic NOT accept someone that has offered to help? Are they really strict or something? I'd love to know more, as I'm thinking of helping my SIL start the same process of finding a surrogate soon-ish.