Wednesday, July 18, 2007

News and Next Steps

The good news is I didn't have to jump out of bed this morning and give myself a shot.

The bad news is, you guessed it, this attempt is officially canceled.

After a day spent consulting with our doctor and nurse at the clinic and lots of soul searching we have decided that we are going to try again in a month or so with our chosen donor. That is, of course, if she agrees.

She did begin to slowly respond to higher doses of her meds but our doctor felt that at this rate, she would have 3-5 eggs tops to use. Could this be a fluke? Could she be the one out of twenty women that simply don't respond to artificial stimulation? Would starting at a higher dosage of estrace and then Gonal F solve the problem?

We'll see, won't we?

But why not just choose another donor? You ask. And here is my response.

Back in March, when we had our first consult with this clinic, it was strictly an exploratory visit. We wanted to see what our options were. If they felt good and we we happened to find a donor that knocked our socks off, we would proceed. If not, we would go home, mull it over and decide on next steps after a few glasses of wine.

Well, we found that woman. She knocked our socks off. We knew from the bottom of our hearts we wanted to proceed. With that donor. With this clinic. So we did. We read and reread her profile and felt as if either of us could have written it. We laughed at her responses; we appreciated the time she she took to be so thoughtful in her answers. We felt like she could be one of our coolest friends. She was the reason we went down the egg donor path.

Our doc gave us the info and what he called the "traditional wisdom" that others had followed when faced with our decision. That would be to select another comparable donor, decrease the risk of another cancellation and increase the odds of getting a higher number of eggs. He said he wanted to remove as many uncertainties and "what ifs" from the process as possible. Fair enough.

Our chosen donor already has two children of her own. Which is another reason that we are inclined to think that a.) this cycle was a bit of a fluke and b.) she has some quality eggs, perhaps just not as many as the average person.

Who wants average?

When our doc said he wanted to remove as many "what ifs" as possible, both hubby and I immediately felt that there would always and forever be a "what if" if we settled for a donor that we felt was inferior to the one we have now. Looking through the big book of donor profiles confirmed that. We compared timelines and additional financial obligations with our doc and they are both pretty much a wash. It comes down to, do we want to take a 30% chance of success with someone we feel 100% about or do we want much higher odds with someone that we feel about 30% ok with?

If our donor declines, then we'll reassess the situation. We'll have a look at new donors that have come in. Maybe we'll even pay a visit to another clinic. Maybe we'll wait. We refuse to feel rushed or desperate. There is no reason to be. As far as having a baby, it doesn't have to be right now, it just has to be right.


Anonymous said...

Sorry for the disappointing cycle - i would be pissed (at the doctor).

some assvice:
It's true that you can have 20 bad eggs, and/or three good ones - but unfortunately this is a numbers game.

The definition of a good donor is based on her fertility - and things like SAT scores are secondary considerations. I wouldn't get too hung up on characteristics, but instead focus on your goal - getting pregnant.

Drowned Girl said...

How disappointing. But I'm glad you can see a clear path, for now, and I hope it works out!

Pam said...

I know what you mean about finding "the" donor. We are using a large agency for our donor because in Canada it's harder to get donors through a clinic setting. When we were sent our first batch of profiles to go through, it took us 15 minutes to go through 8 of them and make our choice. We knew right then that she was the one. We didn't need to see any more profiles. I love the people at the agency we're working with. We've had nothing but good things to say about them. And what great is that even if the donor lives on the other side of the continent, she can still be your donor. If you decide to continue looking at donors, email me if you want the info for our agency.

daisy said...

I'm so sorry, but I do LOVE what you said, " just has to be right". Perfect.
BIG hug!

stacyb said...

i second that..."it just has to be right" .

we only saw one donor's stats and knew right away she was it. at the time, she needed to wait...and we waited with her. as you so perfectly put it: we refused to feel rushed or desperate.

im sorry for the canceled cycle. the next one will be different!