Monday, December 22, 2008


Not necessarily forward in a straight line. But motion. Nonetheless.

We now have an appointment with our RE in January to discuss next steps. Nurse intimated that some of those next steps might include another HSG to ensure there was no damage to the uterus and a discussion around transferring only one embryo at a time next time to minimize risks.

I don't know how I feel about that second piece of info. While it probably makes sense on a number of levels, part of me thinks, well hell, if next time is going to be defined as "high risk" anyway (since I now have a history of pre-term labor and will no longer fly under the radar of "advanced maternal age." Shit), and if I will be "watched like a hawk" anyway, is there really that much more risk in transferring two?

Not like we have a cache of embryos here. We have 3 on ice. 3. That's it. And I am guessing they are probably bundled together. As in, thaw one, thaw them all. So, let's just say we are lucky enough to have more than one survive the thaw. I am saying right now there is no flipping way that one goes in and the other goes out the window. Sorry. That's where I stand. Risk or no risk.

So, perhaps I do know how I feel about the 2nd piece of info. As for the first, I know for a 100% fact I am absolutely dreading it. Because I did so great the first time around. Remember?

So there's that. #6 off the list. Along with #1 and #4. (Those were pretty easy.) Working on #9...

Now, how's about #8? That's going, going, going slow. Here is a brief explanation as to why. At least why it is so damn hard to get to some basic info in my state. Still trying to come up with a plan. Still exploring options, including petitioning the court with "good cause." Doors aren't opening yet.

But they aren't closed.


Sue said...

Have you tried registering with the International Soundex Reunion Registry?

m said...

No! Will add that to the list. Thank you, Sue.

Mo said...


you sound so good - motion indeed! glad you're getting some sense of next steps. and i think your thoughts on how many to transfer make perfect sense.

and that's great progress on your list too! very productive!

hang in there.

and thanks for stopping by my blog earlier.


Kristin said...

Hang in there...and stick to your guns regarding any decisions with transferring embryos. Remember, the doctors work for you. Congrats on the progress and good luck.


Ryan's Mommy said...

I hear you. There's no way if I had two good embryos that I could only transfer one and let the other go to waste. But who knows, maybe they froze them individually?

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best of luck with your list, and I was shocked by the link on #8, it's hard to believe some states are still so difficult to work with even after it's been shown over and over how important it is to have family medical history. Sigh. I hope you are successful finding your birth parents!

theworms said...

You've got a lot on your plate and are getting stuff done.

Wishing you a very Happy Holiday season.


Mary said...

Visiting from ICLW and wishing you the best of luck in finding your birth parents.

Michelle said...

One step at a time that is great! Keeping hanging in there.

dana said...

First, I have been out of the blogosphere for a few weeks and want to tell you how very sorry I am...

Second, if you want to transfer all 3 embryos (makes perfect sense to me), I say dig your heels in & stand firm.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

dana said...

Second attempt to leave a comment...ah, blogger.

First, I am so very sorry.

Second, if you want to transfer all 3 embryos (makes perfect sense to me), I say dig in your heels and fight for it.

nancy said...

I ~so~ agree with what Kristin said. Stick to your guns. If I listened to my doctors, I wouldn't of even gone to ET.

Hun, I think you are doing fabulously. Not that I think you are skipping around full of rainbows and puppydogs 24x7, but the fact you are talking (blogging) and such, I don't think you are spending too much time stuck in any one spot. Sure, things are going to be hard and some thing may take longer than other things - but so the fuck what. The point is you are allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel.

Damn m, this just sucks so fucking much. Not that you don't know that. But what I want you to know is your girls won't be forgotten ever. Ever.

C said...

Another HSG!!! am gonna pass out just hearing that :( I swear none of the other points HSG really scarred me ouch...

CappyPrincess said...

m, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved girls. I know too well the rollercoaster that you are on.

It sounds like you are getting answers though - and answers help know what questions to ask next.

Hang in there. Good luck with your list. And I hope you have a safe holiday season.


Thalia said...

First, I just wanted to say I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Something in this post made me very nervous. I think it's important you go into that consultation in January with an open mind. There are huge differences between pregnancy with twins and with a singleton in terms of risk, regardless of whether you are being monitored carefully or not. You might want to visit M's blog - my sanctuary - who has been through two twin losses at a similar stage to yours to know that it's just not worth that risk. They can re-freeze embryos, so you won't have to waste any if they have been frozen together.