Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Way Too Early to Be Blogging

But I haven't decided whether or not I'll be schlepping my computer along with me on the train to my appointment today.

Yes, even though this is a day I've been waiting for for oh, um, 8 years, even though I have a d*mn T-shirt with the date emblazoned across the front, for some reason, when I made the appointment to go see my RE's preferred maternal fetal medicine specialists (who BTW only do consultations on Monday mornings, Tuesday or Friday afternoons - read: every single time that it would be impossible for M to get off work) I somehow FORGOT this was Inauguration Day.

Way to go, Einstein.

So, instead of sharing a great day with my co-workers who I am sure will be circled around a TV at any free moment today, I'll be chug, chugging along, then schlep, schlepping over to a very big hospital and then waiting, waiting, waiting to hear the big city MFMs tell me what dolts and nimrods my little city MFMs are before they give me their assessment of what precautions we should take for our next attempted pregnancy.

That is my prediction for the day.

M's already left for work. He's feeling a little edgy, I can tell. Feeling guilty about not being able to come along. Feeling bad that I have to retell "the birth story" on my own. Feeling frustrated that we can't just rely on the big city doctors and hospitals for everything up to and including (dare I say it, a delivery). But the distance is too much, at least for that last part.

So we'll take what we can get. Much as the drive/train ride can be a drain, we've actually come to enjoy the time together. We know the route. We know how to entertain each other. If anything, those long drives both coming and going have been the setting for probably every major decision we have made on this (almost) 2 year sojourn.

Yes. Two years. I had that realization around 6 a.m. this morning. My two-year blogoversary is just around the corner. In March, it will mark 2 years since our very first visit to the clinic we love.

And for a few minutes, I was totally deflated. Two years? Two fucking years we've been at this? Only to get so close....and then I veer down that very dangerous path of, if everything were ok I would be 28 weeks pregnant now and gosh I bet I would be huge and the girls would be kicking and....

and and and

Sigh.

But then I remember that everything in our lives (our, meaning M and me) seems to work in these fairly compact 2-year cycles. Don't ask me why. It just happens. Me in Poland = just shy of 2 years. Us in Chile = what I told my boss would be a few months' experiment in telecommuting turned into 2 years. Back home = 2 years. Cross-country trip across the U.S. = once again, just shy of 2 years.

TTC (and have a baby we can bring home. That's the critical part)= coming up on 2 years.

So, if I believed in cycles (which I DO) that could lead one to believe that our lives without children might soon be over. It could mean that the cycle we begin in just a month or two could be the one.

Please be the one.

4 comments:

lostintranslation said...

Hi! I hadn't visited your blog in a while (shame on me), so am catching up on your posts. Good luck at the MFMs today and yes, I hope that the next cycle will be the one for you! Thinking of you...

Julia said...

I hope you get the answers you need.

Thinking of you today.

Mo and Will said...

I hope today's appt brings more answers and that you're feeling ok being there on your own. I like your "two year" theory. we too are coming up on two years (altho i haven't noticed a similar cycle to our lives). still, i may adopt it if that's ok. hope the leg/knee is feeling better or at least not killing you too much.

good to hear from you!

Mo

annacyclopedia said...

Being Canadian, today is not as huge of a deal for me as it is for you. However, I made an appointment to talk to our lawyer about our house sale right at 10 our time, so I have a feeling I'm going to miss a good chunk of the important stuff. Drag.

Hope your appointment goes well today.

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