That was the caption on a cartoon on a PowerPoint that was presented at my Board of Directors' Strategic Planning meeting this week. A meeting that I would usually play an integral role in. A meeting that I wasn't really sure that I would even go to. And then I decided, oh what the hell. I had already excused myself from the agenda. I had no responsibilities for the meeting set up or execution. I would just be a participant. Worse case scenario: if I couldn't handle my first work outing outside of my warm, safe office and office mates I would just leave.
So, I got there after a morning marked by a crappy exchange with a crazy lab tech doing my bone density scan (ah, but this will be the topic of another post...) and was greeted with smiles and even a few hugs. I think my Board Chair attempted to hug me. (He's not very good with personal interactions). And a few tears eked out in conversations with some of my favorites but they dried relatively quickly. And there I was. And I didn't melt. And it didn't feel too awkward. So I stayed. For both days.
And here are the things I realized/remembered/am grateful for:
- I'm not stupid.
- I didn't completely forget what it was I did or what my job was about (don't laugh. this was a major fear of mine before I went back to work)
- Sometimes I do know what I'm talking about.
- I clean up real nice. (and while it was odd to be in my pre-pregnancy suits, it felt good to get dressed, do my hair, make an appearance)
- My grief can be recognized and I can be seen as not just my grief.
Lights that I was relieved to see.