The "which came first?" question, in my case the infection or my cervix opening, is one that had plagued me for almost 2 months now. I think, with the help of the "kindest doctor ever" (who I really will write about, I promise) I am finally ready to accept the fact that we won't know. Won't ever know.
And maybe the question is just a silly question anyway.
Feeling good today. On a whim invited my brother, his lady and my cousin to dinner tonight. Nothing fancy. I just didn't feel like being by myself while M. is at work and I really didn't feel like leaving the house either. I always forget one can have people over for no other reason than you want them to come over. On New Year's Eve, my cousin had confessed that she had really hoped that the babies would bring us closer together. We had been incredibly close when she was a little girl but then I moved away, she grew into a teen. Things happen. She said when Iso.bel and Jo.vita died, she saw that opportunity, that chance for closeness fade as well.
But it doesn't have to be that way, does it?
So, I'm trying to take some time and reach back out to some folks who reached out to me and, if I think about it, have always been there for me. I am pretty sure I am guilty of not giving my family the time they deserve. I'm trying to get back some of that time tonight with some leek and potato soup and some homemade Irish bread.
I don't think, even if you have the definitive reason, it will make much difference to how you feel. I've been given two possible reasons and it doesn't change my sadness but only gives me hope that with treatment it won't happen again.
Good for you for reaching out!
Good idea to spend time with others. It may not get your mind really "off" of what happened, but still it reminds us that it is ok to have a little fun now and again.
love your joke - and that's great that you're finding ways to get people over for dinner and reconnnecting with folks. truly awesome. i remain impressed at how good you are at keeping up your sense of humor and aliveness even in the immediate aftermath of your loss.
I don't think it's a silly question. I would want to know too. I would hope, though, that your doctors will keep both possibilities in mind for the future, and treat accordingly.
Sounds like you are in for a good evening!
I think that it can be very therapeutic to have company, a friend over etc. even if both of you just sit in silence and watch a movie.
Glad you are feeling better with a side of ~hugs~ on everything else.
And please, send me some of that dinner, will ya?
I'm sorry. I have a list of "what ifs". It's just hard.
I'm glad you had dinner plans. It took me a long time to be with other people.
I hope your dinner went well. That is a good practice. We need to have people over for "no reason" more often.
I am obsessed with knowing the exact order of what happened and why. And I never will. Tolerance of uncertainty has never been my strong suit.
So much of friendship revolves around showing up for other people's occasions, both good and bad. Good for you for recognizing the importance of showing up for no good reason at all except that you want to.
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