Sunday, January 25, 2009

My New Ohm

Having a day far more calming than yesterday. Here are just a few of the plusses that seem to have collected:
  • coupons for items we actually use in the Sunday paper + an amazing set of bogos (buy one, get one) offers at a local grocery store = "you saved $50 on this bill." I love it when an economic downturn works in my favor.
  • I think I actually slept through the night last night. the whole night! I woke up in the position that I fell asleep in and I was shocked. Yes, of course, yesterday's purchases helped immensely.
  • empty pool at the Y + cool new goggles + radio turned up loud enough to actually hear = one whole hour full of super strengthening and good for me laps. It's not running, but it's not painful either.
  • empty sauna at the Y + me actually showering and stripping down before entering (I'm usually lazy and just crawl in chlorinated swimsuit and all) = far nicer sauna experience than usual. So nice, I came up with a new mantra for myself.
You see, back before I was pregnant with the twins, I would try to incorporate mindful breathing and a quick mantra (I am happy. I am healthy. I am fertile) into as many activities as possible. Especially swimming at the Y or kayaking out in the river. I tried it on for size the other day when I was swimming and it just didn't fit. It all rang false. I may have even got water down my throat as I was contemplating how poorly that mantra was working for me. I am not happy right now. I am feeling neither healthy nor fertile. Sigh. Time for a new mantra.

And I figured it out today. Don't laugh. You're going to think I'm corny and new agey. But honest, I'm not. (and I chuckle at this, because a pretty constant rule of thumb for me in life is, "if you gotta tell me, I don't believe you.") And here I sit, telling you what I am and am not. But seriously, here's my new mantra:

I am grieving.
I am loving.
I am healing.

Because it felt ridiculous not to recognize the obvious. Unfair not to state it. But the second line, thankfully, goes hand in hand with the first and third, acting as a kind of bridge. It felt presumptive to say I was healthy and happy. I am not there. Healing is the best I can do right now. But that in itself is a serious task. One that can't be taken lightly. So it gets its own line too. So there you have it. This is my new Ohm. I tried it out a lot this afternoon. It felt good. It felt true. It felt right.

19 comments:

Duck said...

Love the new mantra and you're right you have to acknowledge in order to deal with it.

Dani819 said...

This is perfect. Mind if I borrow it?

You are taking care of yourself in so many ways- swimming, pastels, a good bottle of wine. It will all help with the healing.

-Danielle

PS I have another good gallows humor medical story for you when you're ready. Let me know when you're in need of an evil laugh and I will bust it out.

ezra'smommy said...

I think we all can adopt this one. thanks

luna said...

it sounds perfect. I'm so glad you found a new mantra that feels right. there is a lot to be said for the power of intention and affirmation.

Mo and Will said...

What a great mantra. And swimming sounds therapeutic in and of itself. I may steal both ideas (will have to come up with a mantra for myself). Now...just have to find a pool - they can be hard to come by in Manhattan.

Your clarity and resilience continue to impress. One foot in front of the other (or in the pool, stroke, stroke, breathe, stroke). You are getting through this, one day at a time.

Mo

Barbara said...

It sounds just right and I might borrow it too.

I need to start swimming again, will have to drag my Mum along as Ray doesn't swim.

xxx

dana said...

A simple smile from me; it's perfect.

Brenna said...

Beautiful mantra--I might just have to borrow it from time to time! I really do love it, and the thought process behind it. It sounds like you're taking good care of yourself as you're healing.

Michelle said...

I am such a believer in mantras and the one you have sounds perfect for where you are. You have reminded me of the importance of being gentle to ourselves.

Chhandita said...

Well guess what? I am a new ager and thats a wonderful affirmation!

annacyclopedia said...

That is a beautiful new mantra. I hope it helps smooth the way to a deeper peace for you.

Amy said...

Perfect new mantra. Simple, beautiful, truthful.

And it doesn't seem new agey or corny (maybe because I do the same thing, so I can't believe it's either new agey or corny!).

Kristin said...

That is the perfect mantra. Continue taking care of yourself and you will heal.

N said...

The new mantra sounds perfect.

Bluebird said...

Saw this post on Stirrup Queen and had to check it out. I love, love your new ohm. So much so that I might have to steal it :) Thanks for sharing.

loribeth said...

You picked a great one!!

the misfit said...

I think you've summed it up beautifully. I hope your healing keeps going forward.

Cassandra said...

Sounds like a near-perfect day. Wonderful new mantra! One of these days I'll blog about my own mantras -- different situations call for different mantras, as you say.

theluckylife said...

Love this!!!

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